The hosting nightmare that almost was
The Golden Globes might have looked like a smooth operation on the surface, but behind the scenes, it was a total bloodbath of censorship and panic. Nikki Glaser, the -year-old roast queen who took the reigns on Sunday, January , just sat down with Howard Stern to spill the tea on the savage jokes that were too radioactive for a live mic. From box office bombs to the “Epstein list,” nothing was off-limits until the network suits got involved.
One of the biggest victims of Nikki’s red pen? Sydney Sweeney. The comedian had a brutal jab prepared for Sweeney’s November biopic Christy, which famously cratered at the box office. Glaser told Stern she wanted to roast the film for making a measly dollars, mocking the idea of people going to theaters. While the movie actually pulled in . million dollars, it still ranks as one of the worst openings in history for a wide release. Glaser ultimately cut the bit because Sweeney was a no-show and the joke felt like a “top of the show” momentum killer.
But that was just the tip of the iceberg. The real insider whispers suggest that the legal department was sweating bullets over Glaser’s more “edgy” material. When you are dealing with a crowd of highly sensitive A-listers, the line between a laugh and a lawsuit is thinner than a red carpet dress. Glaser admits she had to play a dangerous game of “what will get me tarred and feathered” before the cameras started rolling.
The AI actress scandal producers silenced
Perhaps the most explosive revelation from the cutting room floor involved Tilly Norwood, the controversial AI actress who has Hollywood talent agencies in a total frenzy. Glaser had not one, but two jokes prepared about the digital star that were deemed way too dark for NBC. One quip suggested that even though Norwood is completely computer-generated, she had already been sexually assaulted by three different studio executives. Talk about hitting a shocking nerve in post-Me-Too Hollywood!
Glaser told Stern that the “Tilly” material was great, but the legal team eventually killed it because they felt there was “too much sexual assault” already in the script. They even scrapped a joke about the Epstein list to keep the mood from turning toxic. But Glaser didn’t stop there; she revealed a second Tilly joke that was even more aggressive, mocking the “creepy” nature of studio heads designing a fake actress to look while having “eyes that say I do anal.”
The suspicious behavior of talent agencies pushing for AI actors while the real talent struggles for work is a major red flag in the industry. Glaser wanted to call out the “creepy” obsession with digital perfection, but the PR spin won the day. It is clear that while the audience wants the roast, the studios are still terrified of the legal ramifications of telling the truth about Hollywood’s dark side.
Brad Pitt and the racecar midlife crisis
Even the untouchable Brad Pitt was in the crosshairs. Glaser had a lengthy bit about Pitt’s role in the high-octane flick F, calling out the double standards of aging in Tinseltown. She pointed out that while -year-old men get to play racecar drivers, women over are relegated to playing “tired moms who hate their lives.” It was a sharp, aggressive tone that likely would have caused a massive stir in the room.
Glaser mocked Pitt’s “driving skills,” suggesting his blinker was on the whole time and questioning if he has actually driven himself anywhere in the last years. Despite Pitt supposedly doing a lot of his own driving in the movie, Glaser wasn’t buying the “rugged” persona. This kind of paparazzi-style observation is what makes her a fan favorite, but the joke was scrapped because it was deemed too “mean-spirited” for a guy who is still the industry’s golden boy.
Fans are already reacting to this leaked material with a mix of fury and hilarity. Many believe the Brad Pitt roast was exactly what the show needed to feel authentic. Here is what the digital streets are saying in the
:
Nikki should have kept the Brad Pitt joke! Hollywood is so sexist and someone needs to say it to their faces! He is playing a racer? Come on.
The AI actress joke is the most real thing I have ever heard. It is disgusting how accurate that probably is behind the scenes. Producers are just cowards.
I am tired of these award shows being so safe. Glaser was hired to roast, but they clearly neutered her. Let the girl speak!
Julia Roberts and the hunt for an audience
Even Julia Roberts wasn’t safe from the behind-the-scenes chaos. Glaser tested a joke about Roberts’ latest project After the Hunt at comedy clubs before the big night, and the reaction was pure scandal. The comedian recalled that the club audiences “turned on her so hard” that she thought she would be tarred and feathered. The joke? That the real “hunt” was trying to find someone who actually saw the movie.
This kind of feedback is a major red flag for a host. If a comedy club crowd won’t laugh, a room full of Julia’s billionaire friends certainly won’t. Glaser made the disputed call to pull the bit, fearing a repeat of the “Jo Koy disaster” where the host loses the room in the first five minutes. It is a high-stakes PR game where one wrong move can turn you into a social pariah overnight.
The fact that Julia Roberts is still such a “holy grail” in Hollywood that you can’t even joke about her box office power is a testament to the weird power dynamics at play. Glaser also cut a “dumbass” joke about Jean Smart for similar reasons. In the world of prestige acting, the ego-massaging starts long before the red carpet is even rolled out.
The Sean Penn “leather handbag” saga
One person who did not escape the roast was Sean Penn. Glaser revealed that Penn is her favorite target, and she had an arsenal of “neck vein” and “lower eyelid” jokes ready to go. While she cut the bits about Penn looking like a “defiant last tree standing in a rainforest,” she did manage to sneak one shocking jab into the live broadcast: comparing his aging process to slowly morphing into a sexy leather handbag.
Glaser admitted she was terrified of how the room would react to the “handbag” comment. She actually sought out approval from Jimmy Kimmel and David Spade before she had the courage to tell it. She feared that if Penn made a “defiant” face, the rest of the room would be too scared to laugh. It is a shady reality of these shows: the audience takes their cues from the person being roasted. If the target doesn’t smile, the host is dead in the water.
She also had a disputed joke about Leonardo DiCaprio squinting to read his girlfriend’s ID, ensuring the “year starts with a two.” This is classic Glaser, but she chose to tie it to Penn and Benicio del Toro in a category for “Least Eyes.” It is a miracle Penn didn’t walk on stage and pull a Will Smith, considering the aggressive tone of the material.
The Sexiest Man Alive controversy
Finally, there was the Jonathan Bailey joke that never made it to air. Glaser wanted to call out the suspicious way PEOPLE Magazine handled his “Sexiest Man Alive” win. She planned to question why we still need to say “openly gay,” before noting that a quick look at the past winners list makes it very clear why the distinction is necessary. This was a direct shot at the closeted history of Hollywood’s leading men.
The joke was cut simply because Bailey didn’t show up, but the insider whispers suggest that the network was also nervous about the “outing” implications of the past winners’ list. In a town built on PR spin and carefully constructed images, calling out the “openly” vs. “closeted” dynamic is a major red flag. Glaser’s willingness to go there proves she is the most dangerous woman in comedy right now.
So, was Nikki Glaser’s set a triumph or a censored mess? While the live show had its moments, these leaked jokes prove that the real entertainment was in the trash bin. As she heads back to the club circuit, the cliffhanger ending remains: will she ever be invited back, or has she officially burned every bridge in Malibu? One thing is for sure—the Golden Globes will be remembered more for what WASN’T said than what was.
Would you like me to find out more about the specific “studio executives” Nikki was referencing in her AI assault joke or track down the reaction from Sydney Sweeney’s camp regarding the box office roast?
