Hollywood on High Alert: Glaser Goes Rogue
The red carpet hasn't even been rolled out yet, and the panic inside the Beverly Hilton is already reaching a fever pitch. Nikki Glaser, the 41-year-old comedian who is returning to host the Golden Globes for a second consecutive year, has effectively issued a declaration of war against the Hollywood elite. Sources tell us PR teams are scrambling to prepare their clients for what promises to be a total evisceration on Sunday night. Unlike the safe, sterilized hosts of the past, Glaser is coming in hot with a scorched-earth policy that has A-listers shaking in their designer boots.
Glaser didn't mince words in a pre-show warning shot that has industry insiders buzzing. She told press that absolutely "everyone is fair game," signaling that the era of coddling fragile celebrity egos is officially dead. This isn't just about poking fun at box office flops; this is personal. Glaser is threatening to tear down the carefully curated images of stars who spend millions trying to look perfect. If you are in that room on Sunday, you are a target. Period.
The tension is palpable. We are hearing whispers that some stars are genuinely reconsidering their attendance or demanding seat changes to be further away from the stage. Glaser's comedy style is sharp, ruthless, and often hits below the belt. After the disaster that was Jo Koy a few years ago, the Globes pivoted to Glaser to bring the edge back, but it sounds like she might be sharpening the knife a little too much this time around. Is she trying to pull a Ricky Gervais and burn the bridge while she stands on it?
JLo and Angelina: The Prime Targets
While Glaser claims everyone is a target, two names are floating to the top of the hit list: Jennifer Lopez and Angelina Jolie. Both women have had catastrophic years in the headlines, making them low-hanging fruit for a comedian looking for a viral moment. JLo is practically walking around with a "kick me" sign on her back after her rollercoaster romance issues and alleged diva behavior. Is Glaser brave enough to go there? You bet she is.
The rumor mill is spinning that Glaser has specific material locked and loaded for Lopez and Jolie. These are two of the most powerful, and arguably most sensitive, women in the business. Making fun of JLo's love life or Jolie's intense legal battles is a high-risk game. One wrong move and the room could turn ice cold. But Glaser seems addicted to the adrenaline. She knows that ripping into the biggest divas in the room is the only way to dominate the news cycle the next morning.
Angelina Jolie, who usually floats above the drama like a majestic, untouchable ghost, is apparently not safe either. Glaser's "fair game" policy means the humanitarian work, the family drama, and the serious act are all up for grabs. Imagine the camera cutting to Jolie's face as Glaser cracks a joke about her personal life. It is the kind of trainwreck TV that the Golden Globes thrives on, but for the stars involved, it is a nightmare scenario.
Collateral Damage: The 'Plus Ones' Aren't Safe
In a move that proves just how unhinged this hosting gig might get, Glaser admitted she considered sparing the innocent bystanders… aka the "plus ones"… but then decided, screw it, let's roast them too. This is savage. Usually, the spouses and dates are the demilitarized zone of award show comedy. They are just there for the free champagne. But Glaser has decided they are guilty by association.
"I was even thinking, like, 'Oh, I'll leave plus ones alone, they don't deserve it… but I feel like that's fair,'" she told reporters. This implies that if you are dating a celebrity, you signed a contract to be humiliated on national television. Imagine being some random finance guy dating a B-list actress, thinking you are just going to a cool party, and then getting destroyed by the host in front of Brad Pitt. That is the level of chaos Glaser is bringing to the table.
It shows a lack of boundaries that is honestly refreshing for viewers at home but terrifying for the people in the room. There are no "protected figures" in Glaser's mind… well, except maybe one person who the audience refused to let her touch.
The Julia Roberts Revolt
Here is where the story gets really juicy. While Glaser talks a big game about roasting everyone, she hit a brick wall when it came to one specific Hollywood royal: Julia Roberts. In a shocking confession, Glaser revealed that she has been testing her monologue at comedy clubs around Los Angeles, and the audiences practically revolted when she tried to come for the Pretty Woman star.
"You cannot make fun of America's Sweetheart," Glaser admitted on CBS Mornings. Apparently, the LA crowds were "not there for it" whenever she tried to slide a joke in about Roberts. This reveals a fascinating hierarchy in Hollywood. You can trash JLo all day long, and people will laugh. You can mock Angelina, and people will gasp. But Julia Roberts? That is sacred ground.
Glaser confessed that the joke about Roberts has to be the "most fine-tuned joke" of the night because the situation is so "delicate." This begs the question: What kind of dirt does she have on Julia Roberts that requires this much finesse? And will she actually go through with it on Sunday? If the club crowds booed her, imagine what the room full of Roberts' peers will do. It could be the moment Glaser bombs, or the moment she becomes a legend.
The 'I Love You' Defense Strategy
Like any smart predator, Glaser is trying to lull her prey into a false sense of security before the attack. She is currently on a press tour claiming that her jokes come from a "place of love." She insists she wouldn't mock anyone she didn't actually admire. We are calling total BS on this. This is the classic comedian defense: "I'm only mean because I care!"
"I'm not gonna be so mean that anyone is going to hate me for the rest of their careers," she promised. But in the same breath, she says she won't avoid anyone. It sounds like a preemptive legal defense. "If I write a joke about you… it's because I admire you." Tell that to the person whose divorce just got turned into a punchline for millions of viewers.
This "admire you" spin is likely a way to stop publicists from blacklisting her before the show even starts. She claims she doesn't waste time on people she doesn't think are "cool," but let's be real: she is going to joke about whoever gives her the biggest laugh. If that means destroying someone she supposedly "admires," Glaser will pull the trigger. She is a comic first, a friend second.
The Ghost of Jo Koy and The Ricky Gervais Standard
Glaser is walking a tightrope. On one side, you have the total disaster of Jo Koy's hosting gig, where he blamed his writers and alienated the audience within ten minutes. On the other side, you have the gold standard of cruelty set by Ricky Gervais, who famously told the room he hated them and didn't care. Glaser is clearly trying to veer closer to the Gervais lane, but without the British accent to make the insults sound smarter.
"There's some people that are protected figures," she noted, hinting at the political politics of Hollywood. She says other people might get upset on their behalf, but claims, "that's really none of my business." This attitude is dangerous. Hollywood has a long memory. If she crosses the line with a "protected figure" (like Roberts or maybe a powerful producer), she could find herself uninvited from the after-parties permanently.
But the risk is what makes it exciting. The Golden Globes are historically the "drunk uncle" of award shows. People want mess. They want awkward reaction shots. They want to see a celebrity lose their cool. Glaser knows this is her job description. She isn't there to be liked; she is there to be viral.
Fan Reactions: The Internet is Ready for Blood
Social media is already lighting up with anticipation and dread. The fans know what Glaser is capable of, and they are grabbing the popcorn.
"I hope she absolutely roasts JLo. After that documentary, she deserves a reality check."
"If she makes Julia Roberts cry I will never forgive her. Nikki better watch her mouth."
"Finally a host with a spine! Drag them all, Nikki. We are tired of the fake niceness."
"The plus ones catching strays is absolutely hilarious. Imagine being some guy named Chad dating a starlet and getting cooked on live TV."
Sunday Night Showdown
The stage is set for a showdown. Glaser has drawn a line in the sand, promising no mercy for the rich and famous. Will JLo storm out? Will Julia Roberts unleash that famous laugh or a death stare? Will a plus-one try to rush the stage?
Glaser says she will only do the joke if the subject laughs, but that is a gamble she can't control until the words leave her mouth. By then, it's too late. The Golden Globes are live, unpredictable, and thanks to Nikki Glaser, potentially hazardous to your career. Buckle up, Hollywood. Sunday night is going to be a bloodbath.
