Lisa Kudrow, best known for her iconic role as Phoebe Buffay on Friends, is opening up about the behind-the-scenes relationships that helped shape one of television’s most beloved sitcoms. In a candid conversation on the Armchair Expert podcast with Dax Shepard, Kudrow shared how the cast's on-screen chemistry was no accident—it was something they actively worked on, building a genuine bond that stood the test of time.
A Friendship That Took Work
The magic of Friends didn’t happen overnight. According to Kudrow, the now-legendary six-way friendship was the result of conscious effort and mutual respect.
“We really did get along,” she said. “But we also worked hard at being friends. That six-way relationship took some work, and we did it.”
Kudrow emphasized the importance of honest and respectful communication, a dynamic she said was modeled especially well by castmates Courteney Cox, Jennifer Aniston, and Matt LeBlanc. Open conversations and direct but kind confrontation were key. If someone said or did something upsetting, it was addressed early and privately: “Can I talk to you about something?” became a powerful tool for preserving harmony.
For Kudrow, learning to speak up was a personal journey. “I had to learn that it was okay to do that,” she said, reflecting on how the environment encouraged emotional maturity and mutual growth.
A Surprising Start
Before landing the role of Phoebe, Kudrow was facing professional uncertainty. She had just been let go from a role on Frasier—an experience that could have shaken her confidence. Ironically, the same director who fired her, James Burrows, was also present at her Friends audition.
She walked into the casting room expecting the worst. “I really thought, ‘I’m not his cup of tea,’” Kudrow admitted. But after a brief audition, Burrows simply said, “No notes.” That left her puzzled: “That either means, I give up, she’s helpless, or it’s, I’m perfect.”
Luckily for her—and for audiences around the world—it turned out to be the latter. She got the role, but she never expected Friends to become a global phenomenon.
“I thought, ‘It’s cute. It’s not Seinfeld, or groundbreaking comedy or anything.’” she confessed. “I was just happy it was on NBC.”
Finding Phoebe
Despite her excitement about the show, Kudrow initially struggled with her character. Playing someone as eccentric and offbeat as Phoebe was a challenge, especially in a group of more grounded characters. She often wondered how the show would convincingly portray why the others would be friends with someone so different.
“One of the issues with the character was, how do we let the audience know why they’re friends with her?” Kudrow said. She often received notes urging her to dial up the quirkiness, a balancing act that required creativity and subtlety to make Phoebe both lovable and believable.
Remembering Matthew Perry
The recent passing of Matthew Perry, who played Chandler Bing, has led Kudrow to revisit the show in a new light. Although she had rarely re-watched episodes in the past, she felt a renewed appreciation for the work they did together.
“He just was so funny,” she said, her voice tinged with both admiration and grief. “It was just this whole appreciation. I was like, ‘I’ve gotta watch all of them.’”
Perry’s struggles with addiction were widely known, but Kudrow finds comfort in knowing he found happiness in his final days. “This will sound odd,” she said, “but I’m more comforted that he was happy the day he died. He got to die happy. And to me, that was a gift.”
Her voice softened as she added, “I loved that Matthew I first met, and the one at the end.”
A Legacy Beyond the Screen
For Kudrow, Friends wasn’t just a career milestone—it was a personal journey. The relationships forged on set were real, and the emotional labor behind them made the on-screen magic possible. Even decades later, those bonds still resonate with her.
As she revisits old episodes, it’s not just about nostalgia—it’s about remembering the people, the growth, and the laughter that shaped one of the most enduring shows in television history.
While the Friends theme song promised they'd be there for each other, Kudrow’s reflections reveal that promise was kept, both on and off screen.
