Critics Tried To Kill This Movie But Fans Are Rebelling
There is a massive war brewing in Hollywood right now and it is all centered around one incredibly chaotic action sequel. We are talking about the 2021 flick Hitmans Wifes Bodyguard and the divide between the elites and the streets has never been wider. While professional critics absolutely savaged the film leaving it with a humiliating 25 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes the fans are telling a completely different story.
It is the classic case of critics being totally out of touch with what the public actually wants to see. While the reviewers were busy clutching their pearls over the lack of a cohesive plot the audience was slamming the popcorn meter up to a healthy 79 percent. That is a massive discrepancy that proves the industry insiders might just be burned out on fun.
This film is not trying to win Oscars. It is trying to blow things up and it succeeds in spectacular fashion. The scandal here isn't that the movie is bad it is that the critics tried to bury a crowd-pleaser just because it leans into the trashy tropes we all secretly love. Sources say the studio barely panicked over the bad reviews because they knew the real money was in the mayhem.
We have seen this happen before but rarely is the gap this aggressive. Casual moviegoers are flocking to this mess specifically because it delivers on the promise of camp and carnage. It is loud it is stupid and it is exactly what people want to watch on a Friday night while the critics are busy writing think pieces about cinema.
Ryan Reynolds Is Used As A Literal Human Punching Bag
If you are a fan of seeing Ryan Reynolds get physically obliterated then this is the movie for you. The level of abuse his character Michael Bryce takes in this film borders on sadistic. It is not just about the stunts it is about the sheer volume of pain inflicted on one of Hollywoods highest-paid actors.
Reynolds spends the entire runtime getting battered bruised and humiliated. The standout moments involve him getting hit by cars. Not once. Not twice. But repeatedly. And the sick part? It is arguably the best part of the movie. There is something disturbingly entertaining about watching the Deadpool star get smacked out of frame by a speeding vehicle over and over again.
Ryan Reynolds getting hit by a car is my new favorite genre of film. He sells the pain so well it almost looks real. Is he okay?
He is genuinely really good at getting hit by cars. It takes a special kind of talent to turn bodily harm into a comedic art form. But you have to wonder how much of this was in the script and how much was Reynolds just deciding to throw his body around for a laugh. The man commits to the bit so hard it hurts to watch.
This isn't just action. It is physical comedy torture porn. Reynolds plays the straight man who is constantly punished for trying to do the right thing. His tendency toward self-sabotage turns every scene into a potential emergency room visit. If the rumors are true he probably needed an ice bath for a month after filming wrapped.
Salma Hayek Terrorizes Everyone On Set
Forget the villains. The real terror in this movie is Salma Hayek. Reprising her role as Sonia Kincaid she absolutely dominates the screen and spends a considerable amount of time bullying the life out of Reynolds. The dynamic is toxic and hilarious. She is the chaos agent who drags everyone down into the mud with her.
Hayek and Samuel L. Jackson who plays her hitman husband Darius Kincaid team up to turn Reynolds life into a living hell. They are the nightmare couple from hell and Reynolds is their victim. Sonia runs her mouth like an angry mother catching her kid stealing and the verbal abuse is just as lethal as the bullets flying around.
She turns Michael Bryce into an emotional and physical punching bag. There are scenes where the trio wakes up tied to chairs with bags over their heads—a recurring theme of failure—and Hayek is still screaming commands. It is a masterclass in aggressive acting.
Insiders suggest that Hayek had way too much fun tormenting Reynolds. The chemistry is undeniable but it is built entirely on her ability to emasculate him at every turn. It is aggressive it is loud and it drives the movie forward even when the plot falls apart.
A Body Count That Rivals John Wick
One of the most shocking aspects of this film is the sheer level of violence. We are talking about an absolutely insane body count. This isn't a family-friendly action romp. It is a bloodbath that rivals the John Wick franchise for total kills per minute. But there is a twist.
Every single death is played for laughs. Every magazine reload and every body flying through the air comes paired with a cheesy one-liner. It is a jarring mix of high-stakes slaughter and slapstick comedy. Critics hated it because it feels morally bankrupt but fans love it because it is an adrenaline rush.
The explosions are tangible. The boat crashes look expensive. The sound design is filled with stormtrooper volumes of bullets tearing through the scenery. It is violence purely for the sake of spectacle. The movie doesn't care about the consequences of blowing up a building in Europe it just cares that it looks cool.
The amount of people who die in this movie is actually concerning but I could not stop laughing. It is total carnage from start to finish.
This is what we call elevated action trash. It takes the budget of a blockbuster and uses it to create a cartoonish level of destruction. If you are looking for realism go elsewhere. If you want to see things go boom while Samuel L. Jackson laughs maniacally this is your jam.
Plot? Who Cares About The Plot?
Let's be real. Nobody is watching this for the intricate storytelling. The plot is a mess involving a corrupt Greek shipping tycoon played by Antonio Banderas and a threat to the fate of Europe. It sounds like a bad Bond movie rip-off and frankly it is. But the movie knows it is stupid and that is its saving grace.
Reynolds character is a disgraced bodyguard trying to get his license back. He gets roped into saving Jackson by Hayek. That is all you need to know. The rest is just noise to get them from one explosion to the next. Banderas is chewing scenery. Frank Grillo shows up as an Interpol agent. It is a parade of famous faces doing ridiculous things.
The stakes are absurdly high and all of that nonsense quickly takes a backseat to the action. You do not need to do homework to watch this film. You do not even need to have seen the first one to understand what is going on. The character dynamics are so loud that they explain themselves immediately.
The writer of the source review admitted they didn't even realize it was a sequel until after they finished watching it. That is how little the plot matters. It is a vehicle for banter and bullets. The story is just a flimsy excuse to get Reynolds hit by another car.
The Sequel That Nobody Asked For But Everyone Watched
It is rare for a sequel to lean this hard into its own ridiculousness. Usually franchises try to go darker or more serious. Hitmans Wifes Bodyguard went the opposite direction. It decided to be a live-action cartoon. It checks every box for a popcorn spectacle by abandoning all logic.
This film is a direct sequel to The Hitmans Bodyguard but it stands on its own as a monument to excess. The fact that it got made at all is a testament to the star power of the leads. Studio executives clearly looked at Reynolds Jackson and Hayek and said let them do whatever they want.
And what they wanted to do was scream at each other for 100 minutes while things exploded behind them. It is a formula that critics despise but audiences eat up with a spoon. It is the guilty pleasure of the streaming era.
The sharp pacing keeps you from thinking too hard about the plot holes. By the time you realize something makes no sense Reynolds has already been smacked by another truck and you are laughing again. It is a magic trick of distraction.
Cliffhanger: Will Reynolds Survive A Third Round?
With the audience score sitting pretty at 79 percent the buzz for a potential third movie is already starting to build. But the real question is can Ryan Reynolds survive it? The man is not getting any younger and the physical toll of being the industries favorite punching bag has to be adding up.
If a third movie does get greenlit we expect the insanity to ramp up even further. Will they go to space? Will Reynolds get hit by a plane this time? The possibilities for bodily harm are endless. But one thing is for sure the critics will hate it and the fans will be lining up around the block.
For now Hitmans Wifes Bodyguard stands as the ultimate divider between the snobs and the slobs. It is a beautiful disaster that refuses to apologize for being loud violent and incredibly stupid. And in a world of serious cinema sometimes that is exactly what we need.
Keep your eyes peeled on Reynolds social media. If he posts a photo in a full body cast we will know pre-production has officially begun on part three.
